BEING A HOSPICE VOLUNTEER:
LIFE LESSONS OVER CRIBBAGE AND ICE CREAM
HYANNIS – Mar. 19, 2008 - You’ve likely heard of "Tuesdays with Morrie", the runaway best-seller by Mitch Albom about his relationship with Morrie Schwartz. You’re less likely to have heard about "Thursdays with Ben", as retired development officer and hospice volunteer Joe Lucier calls his latest volunteer experience. From June to December of last year, Lucier, age 76, spent every Thursday afternoon playing cribbage with 88-year-old Ben Arnold, in Arnold’s Sagamore Beach home. Arnold had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure, and Lucier was assigned as his hospice volunteer through Hospice & Palliative Care of Cape Cod.
The two hit it off right away, sharing their experiences as veterans and their passion for cribbage, pizza and ice cream. In doing so, they enabled Arnold’s wife Suzanne to get much-needed weekly breaks from the ongoing responsibility of caring for her ailing spouse.
Why would a man who’d worked hard at a long successful career choose to do anything other than play golf and kick back at this point in his life? As Lucier explains, "I read "Tuesdays with Morrie" and Rick Warren’s "Meaning of Life" and realized how fortunate I’ve been. I decided it was time to pay back and get involved with someone other than myself." Three years ago, Lucier applied for and was accepted in the 20-hour-long training course provided by Hospice & Palliative Care of Cape Cod for all their patient volunteers. It gave him the skills, support and self-confidence to be comfortable as a companion to patients dealing with a life-threatening disease.
Lucier spent time with various patients over the first few years, some for just a few days, some longer. But Ben Arnold was the longest. When Lucier was first assigned to Arnold, he had to bone up on his cribbage, which was more than a little rusty.
"I hadn’t played it in sixty years! So I went to the Internet and re-read the rules," Lucier laughs. Arnold had been a competitive player, and the two were soon playing five or six games each session. In the process, Arnold recounted to Lucier his stories of being a Marine in the Pacific during World War II when he lost his left arm in the bloody Battle of Pelalau. The pride Lucier shared in Arnold’s Marine service bonded the two deeply.
Some Thursday nights, Suzanne Arnold would come home from going out with friends and find Lucier and her husband still at the cribbage board, after their usual meatball pizza and strawberry ice cream dinner. It gave her great comfort to know Ben had a regular friend and companion who enjoyed being with him. "Hospice was wonderful. I can’t thank them enough for all they did for me. I was able to keep Ben at home and get the breaks I needed to keep going."
Ben Arnold died peacefully in December, having lived a year longer than his doctor had predicted. Lucier attended the funeral and was deeply moved by the sight of Arnold lying in state in his Marine dress uniform. "People often ask me how I can do such depressing work. And I always tell them how rewarding it is. Dying is a part of living. Hospice does such a wonderful job of bringing dignity to the process. Personal caring – there isn’t a better thing you can do. I enjoy providing that to others." Lucier adds "I’m in a training program. I’m going down that road pretty fast and I want to be ready for it."
Or as Morrie Schwartz himself said" "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."